Monthly Archives: November 2009

The Yoga of Injury

Here are the asanas I would have learned how to do (and teach) had I gone to my training this week:

Balancing Seated Angle

Balancing Stick

Bent Leg Tree

Bound Hero

Bow variations

Dancer

Flamingo

Half Circle

Inverted Turtle

Kurmasana

Lateral Angle

Parvatasana

Raised on both arms posture

Reclining Stick

Rotated Jhanushirshasana

Rotated Lateral Angle

Sideways boat

Standing Angle

Standing Split

Toe Stand

Instead, I stayed home and practiced The Yoga of Injury.  I just emailed my morning Ashtanga group to tell them I would not be there until my injury healed.

Christine wrote  back saying: “Ah, the  yoga of injury, the REAL yoga. How fortunate you get to have the real practice and not this easy stuff we do in the mornings.”

But to tell you the truth?  I stink at the Yoga of Injury!  I get up every morning expecting to bound out of bed and jump back into Chaturanga. I want so much to bound out of bed and jump back into Chaturanga!!!.

Instead, I get up and hobble to the bathroom.

The other day I was reading in Tony Robbins about “Tranformational Vocabulary.” He says (and I believe it) that the words we use to describe our experience SHAPE our experience.  So now I am not going to say I am injured any more.  Instead, I am reframing to “I am moving forward.”

Because it’s the truth. I am moving forward.  At a glacial pace (glacial before global warming when glaciers moved v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-.) but I am definitely moving in the right direction.

“You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”  –Joni Mitchell

I will never take my yoga practice for granted again.  You can (and should) remind me of this anytime I express frustration in any posture whatsoever.

I give  you permission.

Pollyanna Drills a Gas Well

The gas well drilling that is a constant clang in my (mental and physical) environment these days –and will continue clanging for the next 20 years until they finish sucking all the natural gas out from under us– is kicking up a lot of dust for me.  (no pun intended).

I have wanted to write about it here but have thusfar resisted, telling myself I will do so only when I can write without ranting, raving, or crying.  I am still working on this “re-frame.”

If I could make it go away, poof!  like that, I would.  But it’s not going away.  It’s a done deal. All the meetings and citizen action groups and letters to representatives in the world won’t stop it now.  It’s a runaway train.

Now I am going to put on my Pollyanna Hat and describe what I wish would happen or what would have happened.  What I wish is not so much an action as an attitude, a way of working, a way of being.

So here’s my fantasy.  In a bullet list (I know, I know, a bullet-listed fantasy, Kath??  It’s my anal Capricorn side coming out.  Humor me.)

  • I wish that the gas companies would have trained LOCAL PEOPLE to do all this drilling.  There are so many people around here who have no jobs, and would have loved to have been trained to drive big rigs around, and do this kind of work and GET PAID GOOD MONEY FOR IT.
  • These local people would have been STAKE HOLDERS in this operation.  It would have been their wells that would have been contaminated if things didn’t go right.  It would have been their fishing streams, their hunting grounds disrupted, their families kept up at night by the incessant clanging.
  • The locals love this area.  That’s why they’ve stuck it out here so long even when there have been few, and mostly poorly-paid jobs.  These local people might have approached drilling a gas well on a luscious piece of Pennsylvania farm land the way the Amish approach building a barn for a neighbor.
  • Fantasy Scenario: Hey guys, today we are going to drill on the Stolzfus land.  They need this income, as we all do, but they also need safe, clean drinking water and that little stream that runs behind the house is where their kids play and fish.  So let’s be careful out here today, ok?  The workers nod, set themselves to work with care and mindfulness.  When night falls, they quit and begin the next day, so the Stolztfus family can sleep.

“You may say I’m a dreamer.  But I’m not the only one…”  is going through my head right now.

But you know, I would, and could, feel so much better about the roar and the clang and the suck of this if I knew that the people doing the work were stakeholders in this land and not just hired guns who can hit and run if a mistake is made.

 

 

Morning Power Questions for Today

What am I happy about?    Sun in November, decent weather, a few blessed days off to heal.

Excited about?    Trip to Rochester tomorrow.  The prospect of a new computer.  Dinner party tonight with Tim and Jackie.

Proud about?    Maintaining my streaks with this blog (currently in week 13), writing in my paper journal (day 49 without a break), Holosync (day 328).  And most of all, staying true to my higher ideals.

Grateful for?   See #1 and add to that my relative good health minus this injury, a happy and a beautiful home, a supportive yoga community, and a few sweet friends.

What am I enjoying most right now?    Free time without lots of commitments.  Time to sleep and heal.  The sun!

What am I committed to now?    This blog. And Holosync.  And my paper journal.  I am also committed to getting better.  Eating better.  Sleeping enough.  Drinking fluids (can’t get enough of Get Smart tea!).  I am also committed to nurturing my relationship with my Inner Wisdom Guide.

That most of all.

 

 

Morning Power Questions. Evening Power Questions.

On the little table next to my Space Chair I have a pile of books.  One of them I picked up today on a whim because I was plumb out of ideas for my daily pen-scribble.

The book was Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins.

I have tried to read this book a number of times but always bailed because he is rather long-winded.  Good, but very “anecdotal.”

I picked it up again today, opened to a random page and read about Morning Power Questions and Evening Power Questions.

From what I gather, these questions will set your trajectory (morning) and cause reflection (evening).

I wrote them down and answered them as my write for the day.  I felt “sweetened” as a result.  Here they are.  Try them for yourself if you like.

Morning Power Questions

  1. What am I happy about in my life now?
  2. What am I excited about in my life now?
  3. What am I proud about in my life now?
  4. What am I grateful about in my life now?
  5. What am I enjoying most in my life now?
  6. What am I committed to in my life now?
  7. Who do I love?  Who loves me?

(substitute “could” for “am” if you get stuck.)

Evening Power Questions

  1. What have I given today?
  2. What did I learn today?
  3. How has today added to the quality of my life or how can I use today as an investment in my future?

Nice, huh?  I plan to practice with these for the next 10 days.  I’ll let you know what happens.

Diagnosis: “Salvagable”

I am a word person.  I am sensitive to word choices.  (It’s a burden, actually.)

I will over-analyze and mull and wonder, “What did she mean by that?” when she probably meant nothing at all. It was simply the word that came to her; the word she knew, a word she always uses, uses without thinking.

So I went to the chiropractor today to have this “sensation” diagnosed and hopefully eliminated.  He tested and poked and twirled and spun me around.  Face up on the table, face down on the table, and the final diagnosis was: sprained pelvis.

The pelvis bones are held together with ligaments and these ligaments were stretched beyond their range by the squat presses I did at the gym.  Similar to a sprained ankle, he said.

He did a few adjustments, but the prescription was basically to ice it 2-3 times a day and don’t do any squats or lunges or any movements that will exacerbate it until it heals.

He ended by saying:  “It’s definitely salvageable.”

What??!!

The word “salvageable” has been ringing in my head all day.  “What did he mean by that?”  Was I such a wreck that I needed to be “salvaged?”

I don’t think so.  I think that some (maybe most?) of the patients he sees really do need to be saved from some destruction they’ve done to their spines.  I think he just likes the word “salvage.”  Somebody told me his hobby is cars, so maybe the salvage yard is a place he hangs out a lot, so he has borrowed the nomenclature of the car geek crowd/

But when I heard it, it sounded as though I was a totaled car, staring down the eyes of a metal crusher, and here comes my chiropractor saying, “Wait! That pelvis is salvageable!”

So here I am, waiting for the Alleve to kick in so I can sleep.

Feeling gratefully “Salvaged.”

 

 

I Totally Blame Eckhart Tolle

I injured myself last Wednesday lifting weights at the gym.  I think it was on the squat machine.  I don’t know what I did to myself exactly (I’m going to the chiropractor tomorrow) but my hips are locked and my hamstrings won’t stretch and I have a persistent dull headache.  It’s like, one day I’m in a full-out, full-on Paschimotansana, and the next day I can’t tie my shoes.

Injuries are interesting, I must say. They engender lots of self-talk. And then that self-talk morphs into a novel, which then gets picked up by MiraMax and made into a full-length feature film staring Meg Ryan as me.

I just returned from a very s-l-o-w walk with the dog in which I played out two versions of this movie about me and my injury.  In the first one, picture me, walking through the MU campus very slowly, a little Corgi on the end of a leash.  Then my voice-over says:

This is what it must feel like to be old.  Maybe from now on this is my reality; I am to always feel like this.  Or possibly worse.  I will probably have to have my hips replaced.  Maybe my knees as well.  Maybe I will never be able to do yoga again.  Or at best, only be able to talk students through the postures.  Could I do that? Matthew Sanford teaches yoga and he’s a paraplegic.  Could I do what he does?

Fade to Black

Then I caught myself.  I thought:

Oh, that was some story you just spun, Kath.  Did you see what you just DID? Yeah, you totally rode that Disaster Train all the way to the end of the line.  Stop with the negative thinking!!  You’re just sore.  You will be fine.  You over-did it a little and all you need is a little time, rest and Alleve.

I certainly liked that second story much better.  But then I realized that it was as much a story as the first one.  So then I thought (and here’s where Eckhart comes in) why don’t I just do what Eckhart Tolle says to do and just stay in “The Now.”  So I tried that.

Me: So what’s real right now, Kath?  Well, there’s a breeze.  There’s grass.  The dog is sniffing for woodchucks in the weeds.  There is sensation in my hips when I walk. I’m not going to give it a name, this sensation.  I’m just going to feel it.  I’m going to call it “this sensation.”

Now there is a person walking towards us.  A woman.  She says, “Can I pet your dog?”  And I say, “Yes.”

She kneels down to pet the dog.  The dog rolls over on her back and pees on the woman’s shoes.  She laughs.  I laugh.  We walk on in opposite directions.  That’s all.  The sun.  The light. The sensation in my hips.

Tim, my friend and trainer, told me this story about his sister. His sister blamed Eckart Tolle for her car accident. She rear ended someone while listening to Tolle speak of being in The Now. Her argument was, “How could she possibly listen to him AND hit the breaks at the same time?”

When Tim told me this I thought it was the most brilliant lame excuse I had ever heard in my life.  Imagine, blaming Eckhart Tolle for your car wreck.  It was genius. It could be the default excuse for everything.  Eckhart Tolle, the ultimate scapegoat.  As long as I lived, whatever happened to me, good or bad, I could now always blame Eckhart Tolle, even if it was irrational to do so.   Why not?

If I was living in The Now and should have been anticipating the next move and got into a mess because of it, it was Eckhart’s fault.

If I wasn’t living in “The Now” and instead living 6 chess moves ahead and got bonked because I wasn’t present, it was Eckhart’s fault too, because I should have known better and how dare he be such a pain in the ass wise guy.

So now I’m blaming my injury on Eckhart Tolle.  It’s always his fault.

I feel better already.

A Found List

I found this list in the back of one of my old journals the other day.  I didn’t compile it, but I loved it, so I copied it, –from the net probably.  So I would love to give credit to the author, so if anyone recognizes this and knows where it came from, please let me know!

Here it is:

In the following, I list 71 things that you can do to be more successful. You choose to do them or not. If you choose not to do these things, then you have no right to complain about your problems; your problems are your fault!

  1. Stop watching television.
  2. Stop eating fast food.
  3. Stop eating pizza and fried foods.
  4. Stop driving places that you could easily walk to.
  5. Read at least 1 book a month.
  6. Take classes in what interests you or your vocation.
  7. Work enough to support yourself, and if needed get a new job or second job to make enough to support yourself. Never stick with a job that doesn’t pay enough to support yourself no matter how much you work.
  8. Pay off your debts and don’t go in debt. You can pay off your debts if you avoid needless expenses, such as cable, overpriced clothes, impractical decorations, unhealthy snacks, jewelry, etcetera.
  9. Don’t buy a car on finance, and don’t buy an expensive car if a cheaper one that works is available.
  10. Wake up early, and get all your work done as quickly as possible. That includes household chores, as well as your employment.
  11. Drink alcohol less or quit.
  12. Do drugs less or quit.
  13. Don’t smoke cigarettes.
  14. Don’t eat foods with high fructose corn syrup.
  15. Don’t drink soda.
  16. Don’t eat sugary foods at all.
  17. Don’t drink more than 1 glass of juice per day.
  18. Stand up straight and have good posture.
  19. Look people in the eyes when you talk to them.
  20. Smile.
  21. Be polite.
  22. Keep your promises.
  23. Wear a watch, if you can afford it.
  24. Eat breakfast.
  25. If you eat cereal at any time, choose your cereal based on healthiness not tastiness.
  26. Exercise at least 3 days per week.
  27. Walk often.
  28. Always write with correct spelling and grammar.
  29. Never speak worse about a person behind their back than you do to their face. (Feel free to say nicer things about a person behind their back than to their face.)
  30. Don’t gossip and don’t have a big mouth.
  31. Never judge other people harsher than you judge yourself.
  32. Make New Years resolutions, but make one every day instead of every year.
  33. Volunteer.
  34. Forgive, but never forget.
  35. Don’t have skeletons in your closet.
  36. Keep as few secrets as reasonably possible.
  37. Despite the rule before this one, keep your friends’ secrets.
  38. Politely tell people that you will not betray your friends’ trust, when you are asked about their secrets and such.
  39. Volunteering (i.e. activism) is more important than voting. If you can do both, good for you. If you only have time for one, volunteer instead of voting. It makes more of a difference.
  40. Privately question your own values.
  41. Avoid questioning other people’s values, especially in public.
  42. Listen more than you talk.
  43. Use a journal to count how many calories you consume per day.
  44. Use a journal to count how many calories you burn per day.
  45. If you want to lose weight, burn slightly more than you consume. If you want to gain weight, consume slightly more than you burn. If you are happy with your weight, try to burn the same amount as you consume.
  46. Weigh yourself daily at the same time(s).
  47. Write your daily weight down in a journal.
  48. Never allow the police to search you, your car, or your belongings if you do not have something to hide.
  49. Never tell other people that you think they or something they are doing is immoral or sinful.
  50. Keep your moral values and religion to yourself. Use them to direct your own actions.
  51. Ask people how they are often and listen to their answer.
  52. Laugh at other people’s jokes, but not your own.
  53. Shower at least once per day.
  54. Wash your hands, even if you aren’t an employee.
  55. Take care of the elderly, which includes spending time with them and talking to them.
  56. Avoid going places where you need to be waited on.
  57. Wait on yourself wherever possible.
  58. Make your friends look good.
  59. Avoid lying.
  60. Don’t pretend to be better than you are. Don’t pretend to be more successful, popular, etcetera.
  61. Treat other people as if they are better than they are. Treat them as if they are more successful, popular, etcetera.
  62. Don’t brag about your talents. Instead, surprise people with them when they just happen to be called upon.
  63. Sit up straight.
  64. Keep your house clean.
  65. If you have either of them, keep your car and office clean.
  66. Stretch daily. (I do Yoga most mornings.)
  67. Dance.
  68. Take dancing lessons if you could use improvement.
  69. Ask other people (e.g. your friends, your co-workers, your boss, etc.) what their favorite book is, and read it.
  70. Ask their favorite song or band, and listen to it.
  71. Ask their favorite movie, and watch it.

Extras:

  1. Don’t be camera shy.
  2. When your alarm goes off in the morning (if you use one), don’t press snooze.
  3. Make a budget and follow it.

Suggestions from visitors:

  1. Say “I love you” often to the people you feel this way about.
  2. Always turning off lights when leaving a room, unless of course there are others are in the room. For that matter, conserving any unnecessary electricity usage is key to the future of humanity.

 

Books That Changed My Life #2

Writing Down The Bones by Natalie Goldberg

Writing Down The Bones completely ruined my handwriting.

We’re talking about years of Palmer Method here, countless copybooks splotched up with ovals and push-pulls.  And today?  Can’t even sign my own goddam name on my credit card receipts with any sort of legibility.

I totally blame Natalie Goldberg.

In Writing Down The Bones, a book that I credit for making me a writer—good, bad or mediocre, she said that you just take your pen and …GO.

No concern with grammar, punctuation, spelling, or Palmer Method.  The only important thing?  Keep up with your thoughts.  Thoughts fly, the pen is s-l-o-w, so you need to scribble like a fiend.  Not holds barred.  Write everything.  Write crazy, bawdy, self-pitying, self-congratulatory. Write funny, satirical, ironical.  Write irreverent. Write crap.  But write.  Write it all down as fast as you can think it.  Don’t miss a thought, and for that, speed is required.  And speed entails slovenly when it comes to handwriting.  “Chicken scratch” would be a compliment.

So after years of Writing Down The Bones, my perfect Catholic School Palmer Method Oval and Push Pull handwriting is totally and irrevocably gone.

Along with the right answers to catechism questions, saddle shoes, and my goody-goody I’m-Not-Supposed-To-Even-Think-That-Way mindset.

Now, I don’t even give a shit.  I just go.

Natalie Goldberg ruined my handwriting, and set me free, and made me a writer.

Thanks, Nat.

 

Sleep

My brain is fried, my toe is fractured, and my head aches.  Not enough sleep, and too much life lived with enthusiasm.  Enthusiasm with no foundation.

The foundation of life is rest.  Without rest, no action is possible.  (Well, it’s possible, but there is a price.)  And the price is brain fog, headaches and irritability.

Yep, that was me today.  I’ve been doing intervals on the treadmill almost everyday, trying to boost my metabolism and burn fat.  In the process I developed a stress fracture in my toe.  Now my 3rd and 4th toes are taped together, buddy-toe style.  The third toe is carrying the fourth toe around until it gets better.

I woke up with seriously unfinished dreams this morning and went to yoga with my fractured toe, taped to its buddy.  No jump backs today.

I also worked out with Tim at the gym and developed a killer headache at the end of my workout.  I believe it’s the lack of sleep.

People don’t still brag about how little sleep they can get by on anymore, do they?  Most adults need between 7 and 9 hours a night.  (I skew towards 9).

 

Did you know that a single night of sleep deprivation can depress your immune system (this from Prevention Magazine.)

I believe it.  My immune system totally felt depressed today.

That’s why I’m going to bed now.

Good night.

Looking Down

I found myself walking around Ithaca today, looking down.  Like, at the ground.  Looking down, the way I would look down when it’s raining, or when it’s windy and cold and I’m just trying to make my way through the weather and get to a more comfortable place.

But today was a fine day.  A pleasant day.  With a mixture of sun and clouds.  And it was fairly mild.  But still, I was walking around, sipping a soy latte from Starbucks, in my favorite town, and looking down.  At the ground.

The ground was littered with leaves and candy wrappers from Halloween.  The trees are mostly bare now.  I was wearing a coat.  The sun was hanging low in the sky and it really wasn’t that late in the day.

It’s November.  November is a pen and ink drawing..

Everything seems on the brink of bleak.

I am starting to feel the lack of light, the stinginess of the late afternoon.

I feel the contraction of winter starting to pinch my spine and round my shoulders.  I feel the pull of the ground, like Persephone being called back to the Underworld.

I am starting to look at the ground.

I don’t want to go under.  Not yet.  Not yet