Category Archives: Uncategorized

Waiting for the blackbirds

Every day that my “Boomer Walk” takes me up Cardiac, I admire, and stand awestruck by this massive oak. Today someone I follow on Facebook posted that she saw red-winged blackbirds for the first time this spring.

I get more excited for the blackbirds than I do the robins, I think. The male redwings come first and pepper the trees and startle me with the sheer audacity of their loudness after the birdy quiet of winter.

Someday soon (sadly, not today) this oak will be filled with them. I cannot wait.

Oak on Cardiac

Empathy

Today I had to take Boomer to the vet for her annual shots.  As I sat in the waiting room a couple came in carrying a small dog. It looked like some kind of wire-haired terrier, small, white, with some black markings.  I never talk to people in the vet’s office unless it is clear that they have a healthy pet who is there for a wellness visit. I talk to puppy owners, mainly.  People with sick pets don’t want to talk to you. They only want to talk to the vet.

I had to wait for the results of Boomer’s heartworm test which takes about 10 minutes, so I put Boomer in the car (because she is kind of a pain in the ass) and returned to the waiting room.  All of a sudden it became clear that the couple with the little wire-haired dog was there to put their dog to sleep.

The vet tech started to explain the procedure to them, then left to ready the room.  The man began to cry and wipe tears away. The woman put her nose into the dog’s fur and wept. I began weeping too.  Soon they were asked to bring the dog into an exam room, and the door shut shut behind them.

Boomer’s heartworm test came back negative. As I gave the receptionist my credit card, I couldn’t see to sign the receipt because I was crying so hard.

Buddhists say that one of the main causes of suffering is attachment.  If we could just understand that everything is impermanent, our joys and as well as our sorrows, then we would be free from pain and suffering.

When we get our new puppy, we are so happy.  But when we have to put that same dog to sleep, we weep into its fur, and feel the most heart-wrenching pain imaginable.

Today I realized that I am not a very good Buddhist. I am VERY MUCH attached to the things that I love, and as a result I am in for a whole world of hurt.  I even suffer when I see the pain of other people because I realize that that will be my fate some day.

Psychologists call this “empathy” and it’s touted as a good thing.

But it hurts like a mother.

Homecoming Parade

This morning there was a Homecoming parade in town.  Floats, marching bands, dignitaries in convertibles.

The people on the floats always throw candy to the kids along the parade route.

Here’s a true story.

My dear friend Jennifer, a wise woman, naturopath, grinder of her own wheat for flour (!), never let her kids eat sugar.  One year, (no lie), when the people on the floats threw candy at her kids?  She picked it up and threw it back!

Today G saw an usual thing at the parade.  Usually the kids just swoop in and gather as much candy as they can into their chubby little hands. But this little guy actually looked at the largesse at his feet and seemed to contemplate the selection:

contemplating the junk food

And then he did this:

making a selection

He made a considered choice.  I think he’s reading the label here, thinking about the spike in his blood sugar this candy might cause, and the the possibility of juvenile diabetes.

I would like to say that he put that candy back on the ground, but he didn’t. He took it over and showed it to his mother.

I think even Jennifer might have smiled.

Hay

When we were in Colorado this summer, we stopped in Ward. There is a General Store in Ward, and inside the store (where, for some reason you weren’t allowed to take pictures) there was a sign that said:

“Hay. Did anybody see the fight on the corner Friday night? If you did,  Pete, the sheriff, wants to talk to you.”

That there had been a fight on the corner on Friday night in Ward went without saying, from the looks of Ward, but what charmed me the most about this sign was the word, “Hay.”

Today G and I went for a bike ride on the bike path in Mansfield which adjoins hay fields. There were lots of those big round bales sitting in the fields. They were beautiful. I said to G, “”Hay! Do you see those bales? I want to take a picture!” In the course of looking for my shot I walked far away from my bike. She rode my bike back to me.

It was a good day.  Not as good as the day in Ward.  But very good.

G with bikes

Hay

 

 

American Death Rituals

On Thursday G and I went to Vickie’s mom’s viewing. These American Death Ritual things are…oh man, where do I start?

Here’s how it goes: we embalm dead bodies and then dress them up in their best clothes and put makeup on them and entwine rosary beads in their fingers–and in this case we even put their glasses on them.
Then we line up the family of the dead person and have them greet people who are at a total loss as to what to say. The grieving friends cry on the shoulders of the grieving family, and the family winds up consoling THEM.

It’s not a good ritual–at least for me.

(G and I had a deep and meaningful talk on the way home about this.)
I think people DO need some kind of venue to express how they feel at the loss of somebody they love, somebody who has been part of their community, their tribe, their family, They need some organized, ritualized venue for this expression, but not this.

Good god, not this.

First, in my humble opinion, they probably do not need to see the dead body of their loved one all made up to look like they are still alive, only sleeping.

Who’s kidding who here, people?

BUT: They most definitely need to EXPRESS how they are feeling.  They really do need to stand before the people who are most affected by the loss and say something, or just give a hug and get one back. They need to be seen, and counted as part of the community of people who are feeling this loss.
So, despite not liking this “viewing” ritual, and believing that it is totally bizarro,, and creeptastic, G and I decided to go anyway. To be counted. To express. To give a hug. There was a need, most definitely a need for this, and this was the only venue.

As we got closer to the funeral home, G started taking big in-breaths followed by long audible sighs.  I was feeling pretty okay, because I didn’t know the deceased, or the family, except for Vickie, her daughter, and I only know Vic as a person I once spent a raucous week at the beach with.   G is her real friend and much closer to the family.

As we are going in, coming out are 2 men in polo shirts and shorts. They look like they just finished playing 18 holes.

Inside, there she is, in the box, all duded up, complete with glasses and rosary beads. G touches her, and frankly, I am creeped out by this.

We go through the line. First up, Kevin, the son. He doesn’t recognize G at first and then goes all, “Of course!” on her, and  totally breaks down.

We work our way down the line: sisters, sisters’ children and spouse, and then finally, Vickie.

Vic sees G and totally and utterly loses it. When I see this, I lose it too.

Life and jobs and time and geography have distanced these two friends, but they’ve stayed in email contact and their connection goes back quite a way, and Vickie’s mother (the dead person) always loved G.

Vic starts to say certain things, like how her Mom always told her that G was so “grounded,” and told her that she (Vic) needed to keep G in her life and a whole lot of other things straight from the heart, and then Vic totally loses it and starts sobbing uncontrollably on G’s shoulder. The appearance of G has clearly brought up a whole slew of forgotten stuff for Vic. This interaction touches me deeply, and I start to cry.

Oddly, I felt really happy that I felt something, that I was touched to the point of tears. I haven’t felt genuinely touched at one of these things for a long time. I didn’t even cry at my own mother’s funeral. But the moment I saw Vic’s face when she saw G, I felt something shoot right through me. It felt like a bullet.

And I bawled.

I did.

 

I’m Back

Wow. That was intense.

The April Yoga Challenge wrapped up on the 30th of last month, and here I am, still a little woozey, 2 weeks later.

(I still fully intend to do a proper wrap-up post about the “30 Days of Amazing” on Virtual Yogarians, but I really miss being here on IL (Inspiration Location) talking about other stuff).

So, in honor of a whole new season, I changed themes (again) and am now ready to blog down-and-dirty through the summer in this funky new format.

I have the house to myself for the next few days.  Whenever this happens I take it as an opportunity to do weird things. I consider fasting, or going vegan, or sitting on the couch all day reading till my eyes bleed.

I consider massive house cleaning events, gardening projects, or all-day meditations.

Today I found myself faced with so many possibilities, that I was totally stymied.  I couldn’t do anything.  So I ate a bagel.  Then some ice cream.  Then I started my semi-annual clothes exchange because, Shiva-be-praised, the weather has FINALLY turned warm enough for me to consider wearing capris, at least.  About. Damned. Time.

(Wait. Was that a complaint?  Sheesh! Switch the bracelet.)

When I went down to retrieve my summer things, I was so proud of myself. Last year I went on a MASSIVE PURGE, so my “summer things” consisted of one (count ‘em) space bag.  Go. fricken. me.

I took out one of my fave organization and anti-clutter books: Unclutter Your Life in One Week just to get some inspiration, and even she says: TACKLE YOUR CLOSET FIRST.

So I did all my laundry, then emptied my drawers and purged 2 Hefty Bags worth of stuff, and could have probably culled even more, but I lost heart after hour 2.  Tomorrow I will will revisit my “saves” and see if I can cut them down even more before moving on to the closet.

The question I always ask myself is: If you were moving, would you take this? Or: If you lost this in a fire, would you replace it? There is a lot of good stuff going to Goodwill this week, let me tell you.

After I finish with my clothes, I will tackle my books and files.  Oy.  I think I will never be totally happy until I am down to some real-world equivalent of One Robe, One Bowl.

neti, neti.

I’ve Moved! (temporarily)

Aum symbol in red

Image via Wikipedia

Just for the month of April, I am moving all my blogging activity over to Virtual Yogarians. http://virtualyogarians.wordpress.com

My yoga studio, Main Street Yoga, is running a 30 day Yoga Challenge, and I am teaching 3 times a day. 70 people have signed up.  It is the 4th year in a row I have done this and I love it, but it requires impeccable energy management skills.  I need to eat, sleep and get my own fundamentals taken care of every day in order to operate at the peak levels this amount of teaching requires.

Virtual Yogarians is a multi-user blog I set up last year for people who want to do the challenge but for whatever reason (geography, time committments) cannot make it to the studio.  It’s an accountability tool that allows them to check in each day, say what they did, and read about the practices of others.

You’re welcome to join, or just lurk there for the month.

I’ll be back here in May.  Happy Spring!

 

 

I need a change

I need a change. I need a change of season most of all, but in lieu of that, I decided to change themes here on WordPress.
Even if you don’t care for it, indulge me here, people.
I want to hear what I sound like in brown stitched leather.

The Commandments of Yoga

Last night I started 17 people on a 6-week program of Beginner Yoga.  I love teaching beginners, even though they are very fragile and I have to be careful with them for a few weeks until they get over the heebie-jeebies.

I think long and hard about what I talk to them about, what I tell them.  I usually spend most of the first class just talking to them, but last night I dispensed with the talk and just led them through a basic little practice.

But next week, after I answer their questions, I am going to have to lay down the law.  Give them the rules, the stone tablets with the commandments on them.  And this is what I am going to tell them. More or less.

What I like about yoga, and what makes it unique among all the other exercise modalities I do, and have done, is that you have to begin from an introspective place.

This is one of the fundamental rules of yoga.

No matter what my practice may end up looking like; whether I end up a sweaty, panting heap on my mat, or all blissed out, it has to start out with a moment of reverential quiet and introspection.  You’re not allowed to do yoga by jumping onto the mat and just going for the burn or whatever.  You have to step on the mat and say a prayer.  Not necessarily to god, but to something.  Something bigger than your measly self and your messed up personality and your fat thighs.

So that is Rule #1: You must get quiet within yourself, and notice your breathing, and commit to yourself, and honor your presence on the mat. Only then can you proceed.

The next rule is non-harming. This rule is so that you will not strive, and crank your body to the point where you could hurt yourself. You are not allowed to hurt yourself. This is not to say that you will not feel discomfort in the practice at times, because you definitely will.  But the discomfort is not allowed to grow into sharp pain.  In yoga the “no pain, no gain” rule does NOT apply.

The next rule is that you are not allowed to compete with others.  You are allowed to be inspired by others, especially by their effort and concentration and dedication to their practice, but you are not allowed to envy your neighbor’s backbend. You are also not allowed to bemoan the fact that your body might never be able to do something because of its age or physical limitations.  If you find yourself doing this, you must remember this rule and immediately stop yourself because it’s totally against the rules.

So, if I’m not allowed to hurt myself, or compare myself, what AM I allowed to do?

Good question.

You must notice your breath and how it changes from moment to moment.  This is a very hard thing to do because you’re not used to focusing on your breath; you are used to taking your breath for granted.  So to focus on your breath during this activity is very weird and strange and even boring.

You are also supposed to listen inside, to your thoughts.  And this is uncomfortable too, because most of the time your thoughts involve comparing yourself to others, or they’re about wondering when this is going to be over because it’s hard and you hate hard, or they’re about the fact that you have nothing to make for dinner when you get home.

And then there will come that day when become so frustrated and fed up with the whole enterprise that you will ask yourself: What’s the point of this, anyway? You can tell yourself that you’re doing it because it is going to make you stronger and more flexible in your body.  And that is a fact.  Anyone who has practiced for even a short time will realize this very quickly. But strength and flexibility are not  the point.

Yoga is a big pain in the ass because unlike some other body practices you can’t “dissociate” while doing it.  (That’s probably should be the #1 rule, actually.)  So, unlike at the gym where I can jump on the treadmill and watch an episode of Cake Boss or Oprah while doing my intervals, I can’t do that with yoga.  I can’t multitask.  I can’t pretend I’m not doing what I’m doing.  If my mind wanders in yoga, the teacher, or my internal rule-keeper says, “notice your thoughts and bring your attention back to your breath and the sensations inside your body.”

And this will bring you face-to-face with your game: all the dodging and the pretending and the escaping. And this is the point of yoga.

The point of yoga is: Know Thyself.  Boy. That’s huge.  Most people do not realize how important and what a major turn for the better their lives would take if they could get a little more of THAT!

I think the major cause of most people’s problems is that they have no clue who they are.  No clue.  They don’t know what they want, or what they want to be when they grow up, or how to make themselves truly happy or how to steer themselves away from unhappiness.  And I’m talking about fully grown adults here.  Adults who are even attempting to raise children, when they themselves don’t have a clue who they really are inside.  All they do is run around like robots.  They do what they were taught to do by people who probably didn’t know who they were either, and so we get generation after generation of people propagating the same cluelessness.  (It’s quite the clusterfuck out there, people, if you haven’t noticed.)

So now people go to Zumba, or lift weights, or run on elliptical trainers, or train for marathons so that they can lose weight and look great in a bathing suit or fit into a smaller size or whatever.  And maybe they really do need to lose weight because their health is in jeopardy, so I’m not saying don’t run or lift weights or do Zumba.  Go! Do!  But know that if you are sticking earphones into your ears and running around lost in your fantasies, you are getting stronger legs, but you’re not gaining in self-knowledge. To do that you have to listen to yourself. All the miles on the elliptical won’t do you any good if you are eating a whole sleeve of Fig Newtons because you feel empty inside because you don’t know what you are doing with your life, or what makes you happy.

So, bottom line? The point of yoga?  Know Thyself.  To know who you are in relation to your conditioning.  To know what part of the programs you were taught at home, and at school, and at church fit you, and what parts turned out to be viruses that keep crashing your system.  To find ways to isolate those viruses so they don’t mess up your life anymore.  You may not be able to get rid of them, but you can certainly quarantine them, and most importantly for those people raising children, not pass those buggy programs onto the progeny.

So, to summarize.  Here are the commandments of yoga:

1. Get quiet. Set an intention. Say your prayer.

2. Do not hurt yourself.

3. Do not watch your neighbor or envy her backbend or compare yourself with her.

4. Stay present. Do not dissociate or zone out.

5. Listen inside. Listen to your thoughts.

6. Focus on your breath.

And this will bring you to self-knowledge IF you practice incessantly, with reverence, for a long time.