The rink was filled with kids, lots of them. Pushing chairs. This rink gives plastic chairs to kids to hang on to as they get used to their skates.

Little girls with chairs

The chairs kept them upright, made them braver. But it’s hard to find your center of gravity when you are hunched over a chair, so I questioned the advisability of these props.

It was fun, though. and I enjoyed the feeling of gliding along, but I got bored fairly quickly. At about the 20th time around the rink, I wondered how many more times I could go around and it still continue to be fun.

Once I had gotten over the newness of the skates, and remembered how to do this, how to stay upright and how to go faster, there was really nothing left.

Except to look at the sky, which was beautiful, all pink and purple as the sun set. Or look at the kids in their various lumps and piles of fallen-downness.

I winced as some of them wiped out pretty spectacularly right in front of me, and then admired their grit as they just got up and kept going.

I had to keep an eagle-eye on the little whipper-snappers (boys) who were speeding around at a warp speed, coats open, some of them with helmuts on, hell bent for leather. They were on some kind of mission, so the best thing I could do was stay out of their way.

Skating at this rink was like driving on an insane highway where people were in big mash-ups of accidents, others were creeping along in the berm, the handicapped were pushing their chairs, the speed demons were changing lanes unpredictably, and there were impromptu meetings of tween girls in the middle of traffic, gossiping about the whole scene.

Then there were the safety patrol people in their yellow vests skating around, picking kids up, asking them if they were okay.

I skated around for an hour, wondering about ice skating: What would make it more fun? Lessons?  Learning to skate backwards or pirouette, or to be so comfortable on skates that I could skate with my hands in my pockets and just maneuver gracefully around like I saw some fellow doing?  To feel comfortable and in command on the ice, to be able to skate as easily as walk? Yeah. That would be fun.

G skates

G said I should take lessons.  Maybe if this rink were closer I might consider it, but no. I have too much on my plate as it is. It was just a thought.

After an hour we left and went to The Cellar where I drank a lovely new Pinot and we ate half-price appetizers, and got home early enough for G to watch the late game and for me to pin more stuff onto my Pinterest boards.

Lovely day.

We laugh

But mostly, Pinterest has been making me think of things.

Except that it’s not things that make me happy.  Mostly what makes me happy are when “conditions” are right. Like weather, only on a psycho-spiritual level.

As I’ve been creating Pinterest boards and pinning things onto them, I’ve been thinking about what might be my “recipe” for  personal happiness on a day-to-day basis.  What floats my boat?  What would be the “minimum daily requirement” for my personal contentment, satisfaction, and happiness.

So I sat down this morning and rapped out these 17 things off the top of my head. There are probably a hundred things I’ve left out, but these are definitely key.

So, what are your things? What do you need to be happy?

17 Things I Need to Be Happy

Enough sleep. (9 hours, preferably.)

High quality food, and a good grocery store nearby to buy it.

To sweat and detox daily.

Yoga. (Every. Single. Day)

20 minutes of Meditation. (Every. Single. Day)

Regular fun and play.

Order in my surroundings.

A clean kitchen.

Sun.

Warmth.

A hot bath. (with bubbles, and a wind-up duck)

Wine (in moderation)

Inspiring people in my immediate neighborhood. (Real people. Not online “friends.”)

Beautiful, natural surroundings to live in.

One large cup of extraordinary, extra bold coffee, every morning.

A big, warm, soft bed to sleep in. Alone.

Somebody to speak my soul to, to share my neuroses with, and to tell me (even if it’s not true) that I’m not nuts. Every. Single. Day.

Winterized Space Chair

It’s a good list, I think, but a long one.

reading list (with Vishuda)

(Vishuda is my gargoyle hand puppet, in case you were wondering.)

The 2012 stack

I have had these books in my possession for a long time but have not “gotten around” to them.

One, the Tantra one, I read awhile ago but feel the  need to re-read now that I have been through so many trainings.

I have also started the Daniel Ingram book multiple times. I have gotten through one chapter doing the exercises in the Contemplative Photography book, as well.

So here’s my rather daunting  list from top to bottom:

Yoga Spandakarika

The Spiritual Teachings of Ramana Maharshi

The Great Good Place

Bringing Home the Dharma

What We Say Matters

A Path With Heart

Tantra: Path of Ecstasy

Transformational Speaking

Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha

Yoga Body

The Beauty of Different

The Practice of Contemplative Photography

The Practical Encyclopedia of Feng Shui

If you made a reading list for this year, care to share?

This is the day of resolutions and I like resolutions, but I always wind up not doing them. I don’t feel bad about that mostly, because I end up doing other wonderful things instead.

Who can know in January, how things will be in June? So I am getting more relaxed about resolutions and goals, thanks in large part to reading Zen Habits and really resonating with Leo.

But to briefly recap: The two things I am happiest about this year are my ongoing and unbroken streaks: 400 days without a miss in 750 words, and nearing 100 consecutive days of personal yoga practice, not teaching yoga.

I just got back from a 5 Day training at Kripalu with Yoganand, and the training and the timing could not have been more perfect. I left the day after Christmas and returned the day before New Year’s Eve.

I now feel de-toxed from all the butter cookies and other holiday indulgences, and am happily back to my usual diet of kale, brown rice and lemon water.

I have decided not to make resolutions this year, but instead, try to envision the psycho-spiritual place I would like to be in next year and figure out the steps and behaviors it would take for me to get there.

Here’s what I have come up with thusfar:

• I want to continue to deepen my yoga practice and add a consistent meditation practice to it.
• I want to continue with 750 words and also with the writing in my Scrivener Project
• I want to read at least 12 books and write about them here.
• I want to finally learn my camera and take more, and hopefully better, pictures.
• I want to gradually change the focus of this blog so that it reflects more accurately, and vividly, my real life. In line with this, I also want to post more regularly, but keep the posts to 200 words or less, (but include more pictures, and maybe even video.)

That seems like plenty, given the hours in the day.

Care to share what you have up your sleeve for this year?

First, I would love a shiny red Ferrari (you can insert the name of your favorite vehicle here.) That would be so totally awesome and I would love you forever if a tiny box with keys to this vehicle showed up under my tree.
My yoga teacher always says that material things don’t really make us happy, though. She says happiness comes from “within.” When I go to yoga, she takes me “within” and you know what? She’s right. I always come away from class feeling grateful for all the blessings in my life, and especially for you. I always feel and calm and centered and stress-free, too.

My yoga teacher says that my yoga practice is an act of generosity because when I attend to my own needs, then I have more to give to others. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it? Maybe you’ve even noticed how I’ve gotten a little calmer since I’ve started practicing yoga. (Or maybe not.)
Anyway, I was thinking. If you can’t swing the (Ferrari) for me this year, that maybe you’d like to support my yoga practice. My teacher is selling Gift Certificates for yoga classes this year. If you contact her at mainstreetyoga@gmail.com she would be happy to arrange for you to send me one so I can keep practicing and become even more calm and centered and happy.

I would love that.

Maybe even more than the Ferrari.

Just thought I’d give you some hints for Christmas, in case you wanted to give me something I’d really love. And even if you weren’t planning on getting me anything, know that at the end of my yoga class, I always feel grateful for you in my life.

Love,

(you)

I think I have managed to get rid of most of the following 13 things from my life for the most part, but it’s always good to be reminded of what does not serve. I really think that that these things Have. Got. To. Go.

1. The extra 13 pounds you gained during the holidays (and before). Fewer cookies, more cardio.

2. Grouchy people.  Get rid of them. If you are married to them or they are your children or your relatives you are going to have a hard time with this one.  One thing I do with grouchy, negative people is laugh at them.  Yeah.  A grump pretty much hates not being taken seriously and will avoid you or move out of your vicinity if you make light of their situation.

3.  Get rid of dirt, grime, filth.  Clean your space. Throw stuff out. Get a dumpster if that’s what it will take. Do this. It’s important to your mental health.

4. Get rid of your fear of hard work, fear of success, fear of failure, and of all the other scary (non-existent) monsters under the bed. Stop procrastinating.

5. Get rid of the idea that you are going to live forever, or that you are probably going to die at a very old age and that you still have a lot of time left to get your act together.  You don’t.  The days are long, but the years are short.  Make things happen.  Now.  Don’t defer doing what you always wanted to do.

6. Get rid of the idea that only big things count.  Everything counts, and just like Mother Teresa said, we can’t do great things, only small things with great love.  Get rid of the idea that there are “small things that don’t count.”  The smallest little act of kindness or consideration counts.

7. Get rid of the need to be thanked or appreciated for anything.  People don’t write thank-you notes any more.  (When was the last time you wrote one?) So don’t work for the nod. Do your job, or whatever you do, because you want to do it and derive pleasure from just doing it.  Nobody is going to give you a trophy just because you played, or tried your best.  Life isn’t Little League.  Stop expecting praise.

8. Get rid of laziness.  Start by never admitting that you feel lazy even when you do.  Never say the word lazy.  Banish it from your vocabulary.  Don’t call anyone else lazy either.  Lazy does not exist anymore.  Get rid of the whole idea of it.

9. Get rid of bored, too.  Once you’re past age 3, there is no excuse for bored. Once you realize that you are going to die some day, there is no more “bored.” Never be bored.  Bored is just a form of lazy and we kicked that one to the curb in number 8.

10. Get rid of all your slovenly health habits.  Really people, floss.  I’m serious about this. Brushing your teeth doesn’t count.  Brushing your teeth doesn’t do a damn thing except make your mouth feel pretty.  There’s still garbage dumps worth of crap between each tooth.  Floss.

11. Get rid of other bad habits, too. Like eating on the run, or in front of the TV or computer.  Eat as much as you want, just don’t do anything else while you’re doing it and then just watch as those 13 pounds we talked about in number 1 disappear.

12. Get rid of anger.  Stop getting angry. It doesn’t help you or the person you’re angry with.  Ever.  Instead, develop your non-violent communication skills. There is a book that will help with this.  Get it, and start learning how to think in terms of identifying your needs and trying to get them met with the help of others.  And if you can’t?  Give up on them.  Seriously.  Take my word for this.

13. Get rid of complaining.  Complaining makes you a living breathing crap magnet.  Don’t complain anymore and walk away (actually, run) from chronic complainers.  If they don’t have an audience they’ll stop.  They really will. You can even try making a game of this. This book tells you how.

And finally (this one is just for me), Get rid of your need to hand out unsolicited advice or  tell people what they should get rid of on your blog.

It’s annoying.

Yesterday I got my Pegasus Badge on 750 Words. This badge marks 365 days of posting without a miss.  Here’s a screenshot of my page as it looked this morning when I logged in:

Pegasus Badge! One Year of 750 words!

I was never a Girl Scout so I never had the satisfaction of earning Merit Badges, but this is what I imagine it must feel like to finally finish crocheting that last damned  potholder, or squire that last widow safely through the intersection.

Holy wow.

The Pegasus Badge.

I must say, it feels sweet. And now, on to the Space Bird! (that will come at Day 500.)

But as happy as I am about 750 Words, I did not win NaNoWriMo. Not even close. I got to about 15K words and bonked.

Spinning plates smashed.  Shards everywhere.

I kind of knew it last week when I posted here, that I had about a snowball’s chance.  All week I have been dreading having to confront the reality of my failure. I have been trying to figure out what lessons could be learned from the wreckage, and what my response should be.

One good thing that came of NaNoWritMo was that I finally learned how to use the software program, Scrivener after a year of having it lie dormant in my Applications folder. I did not learn  every feature of Scrivener lord knows, — that will take years. But I learned a lot.

So what I did yesterday in response to the NaNo failure was open a “New Project” in Scrivener. I created a separate folder for every day in December and I set up a “Word Count Target” for each of those folders, and a “Project Target Word Count” as well.

(See? This is why I love Scrivener. You can do all kinds of stuff like this.)

And I now plan to do in December what I tried, and failed, to do in November: Write 1,667 words a day for 30 days.

I learned a lot about myself as a writer this past year doing 750 words a day, and now I plan to apply this knowledge to this “New Project.”

Here is what I now know:

• If I think what I write has to make sense, I won’t write.
• If I think what I write will be evaluated or graded by someone, I will resist and procrastinate endlessly, until I am forced to write at gunpoint.
• If I think it has to be informative or witty or interesting, I won’t write.

The only way writing gets done for me is if I approach it as an amusing pastime, like doodling. And the only way it can be amusing for me is if I take myself totally off the hook as far as quality goes. If quality happens: Surprise!  But in order to even start, I must give myself carte blanche to scribble (or tap out) complete and utter nonsense.

I will, however, happily write to a specified volume of words, as long as I have time and those words don’t have to make sense or be “good” in any sense of that word.

I will also write daily, and not miss a single day (see Pegasus Badge above) as long the writing is permitted to have the smell and texture of cat vomit.

And as for this blog. I still don’t know what I am going to do with it. I changed themes yesterday to give myself the illusion of a “fresh slate” but I’m not going to make any commitments here yet. I’m just going to see what happens.

Till the next time!

I’ve been seriously considering blank-slating this blog and starting all over because I don’t think I can, in all honesty, live up to its initial promise, which was to provide “inspiration.”

I’ve been re-reading some of my more recent posts and this is not an “inspiration location” AT ALL.   Quite the contrary.  But that is a discussion for another day.  All I wanted to do today is account for my absence to my loyal readers.  (Who I appreciate, thank and love.)

As you know, I am into streaks, and keeping streaks going.  And once I have a streak going, it’s like spinning a plate on a stick: I have to keep tending to it, because come hell or high water, I do not want to break that streak. I do not want that plate to crash. And I will organize my whole life around seeing that that streak stays in tact.

Before November began, I had 2 streaks going: 750 words, and a daily yoga/meditation practice.  Both of these plates are still spinning strong, by the way. Today was Day 355 of 750 words, which is 10 days shy of a whole year without a miss, and Day 50 for the yoga/meditation, which isn’t a lot, but that streak is getting a strong foundation under it.

But as every juggler knows, it’s no trick at all to juggle two balls. It’s only when you add the third ball that it becomes legitimate “juggling.”

So in November, in a moment of insanity, I added my “third ball” or, as I prefer to think of it, my third “spinning plate.” On November 1st I joined “National Novel Writing Month” aka “NaNoWriMo.”  I wanted to see if I could use this annual crazy competition to fuel myself enough to finish the book I have been dinking around with for, perhaps, EVER.

I wanted to see if I could just stay with the damned thing and see it through to some END.

Just to see.

Just to see if I had anything. Just to see if I could not fink out on it because I was bored or frustrated, or because it read like a dog’s dinner.

Because believe me, this inchoate thing that is half inside my brain and half hanging out of it, is a bloody mess.  I wanted to see if I could crank out 50K words on the same topic, in the space of 30 days, just to once and for all, DO IT.  Could I reach a finish line? Maybe not THE finish line, but SOME finish line?

So, that’s why I’ve not been posting here. I’ve been writing. I am also, in the process, trying to learn Scrivener, which if nothing else comes of this, I think I have found a really amazing and kickass piece of software that I am completely loving as a tool to organize and work on different pieces at the same time.

But I have to confess.  As I sit here now, writing this post, I am so very close to be being on the verge of NOT MAKING IT. I am woefully behind in my word count (to make this manageable, you should write 1,667 words a day, every day and I have not been doing that.)  I don’t even know how far behind I am, actually. I am afraid to look.  At this point I am just trying to pound out words whenever my schedule opens up.

So, that’s why I haven’t been here.  And why I won’t be here until December.

But thanks for checking in, and I promise to report back on how things turned out. I have 10 days to go. Miracles can happen, and sadly, I think that’s what it’s going to take.

Wish me luck.

So as I was washing up and contemplating going into my room and doing my practice, it occurred to me that, “Shit! Today is Friday. Friday is Yoga Workout Day at the studio!

And even though I was close to positive that no one else was going to show up to practice, I told them that I would be there every Friday at 10 AM to do the Workout. So I got dressed and went.

And no one came. I could have done this same practice in my cozy little yoga room here at home, but here I was, in this vast room, just me and Yoganand (on the Ipod).

Which was fine. It really was.

I am waiting for the day when this practice doesn’t kill me. Today was NOT that day. It killed me. I was particularly aware of how weak my legs are. The standing one-legged balances? “Flying Airplane” posture? Are you kidding me?  My standing leg quakes. I want to come down so very much. It is so very, very hard.  He says , “Now, you can extend into Warrior 3” and in my mind I want to, but my body is so very, very WEAK.  And my arms are weak. And my hips are tight and weak. All I become aware of in that practice is how weak and restricted I am in every place in my body.

At the end of the practice I am exhausted. I thought for one nano-second of going to the gym and running on the treadmill afterwards, but no.  Done.  Needed to go home. Needed food. And that’s what I did. I also considered doing some cleaning, but no. This weekend I will clean. Now, I needed food.

When I walked in the house, the dog was all frisky, so I ate a handful of nuts, changed into jeans and walked her. Last night I went down to the basement and found a winter coat. My light winter coat, but my winter coat nonetheless.

Sucks.

And today I wore it again, but no hat. I kind of needed a hat, but the weather was on the bubble between “hat” and “no hat”, and there wasn’t much wind so I decided “no hat.”

Dog walked, then home to lunch: Brown rice and broccoli and a little leftover tuna. And a small bag of Pirate Booty and later, a Chobani greek yogurt (blueberry).

The stupid paper came and I read that as I ate.  This was the last paper in my year’s subscription and I talked to G last night about renewing.  I hate everything about this paper. I hate the editorial policy, I hate the letters to the editor, I hate its pro-gas drilling bias, I hate the right wing Christians who write the most insane letters to the editor.

I hate the church reports and how the only thing that people seem to get all enthused about are veterans.  Support our troops! Send cookies! Make banners and display the pictures of all the service men on Main St.

Really? There will be nothing to get enthused about if Obama sends all the troops home. Booor-ing!

I call this paper “The Aggravator” or “The Agitator.”  Because that’s all it does to me when I read it: aggravates and agitates.  So why in hell do I subscribe to it?  That’s the question I asked G.

Because I need to know where I live? Because I need to know what the enemy is hatching and scheming and thinking and doing, so I don’t walk into an ambush?

Probably.  So I just caved and renewed for another year.

(Good god.)