My Future Self

(Day 4 of staying faithful to my fundamentals (aka my “fundies.)

This morning, after yoga, Kate led me in an guided imagery experiment where I had to imagine my “future self” 20 years down the road.  I had to envision “her,” see where she lived, what she looked like and I had to ask her if she had any advice for the present day me.

I thought it would be an interesting thought experiment, and it was, but it was also sad.  My “future me” was old and tired and finished, though deeply  serene and peaceful.

I came out of the imagery session feeling melancholic and wistful and frankly, a little depressed.

The really great thing about Kate is that she knows just how to probe to get at the real issues behind the symbolism of such an exercise.  So, what I might have mulled over and gotten depressed about, I now saw reframed in hope.

What we decided as we discussed this was that it was not so much that I saw my “inevitable” future self, but a “potential” one in which, in the words of the great Led Zepplin, “there’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

I also felt a little like Ebeneezer Scrooge when he wakes up and discovers that he didn’t miss Christmas, and that he still has time to do good things and avoid the scenarios the 3 ghosts painted for him.

I still have at least 20 years to change the road I’m on.

I don’t want to go out all serene and finished.  I want to be working towards a grand project till my last breath.  I want to learning and probing and growing as I take on ever more projects.  I want death to catch me deeply involved in something fresh, new and brave!