Solstice 2023
I was happy when I set out with the dogs for the river this morning.
Even though I had a bad nightmare and was up for over two hours in the night, I was able to sleep in and recover.
The day was sunny and warm but not too warm. It must have rained overnight, but I didn’t hear it. There were fresh puddles everywhere on the trail.
I strode along, thinking how happy I was in this weather.
I tried to calculate in my head how many days made up a summer.
I thought about what I might commit to doing this summer so I don’t get all weepy on Labor Day as I choke down my hot dog, along with the realization that the first leaf has already fallen.
This summer project had to be both easy as pie and deliver a high return on investment. Where did I want to be at summer’s end? What could I do now to get me there?
I calculated that summer lasts ninety-three days. Basically thirteen weeks.
What will September Kath need at the Autumnal Equinox?
This was the question I held as I walked the dogs to the river.
I decided on meditation. I will meditate every day for the next ninety-three. Yes.That way I may have a fighting chance of seeing the end of summer is a more equanimous light. Meaning, I wouldn’t feel like killing myself.
Meditation is the perfect project for summer, too, because I can do it any place, any time, as long as I can sneak away by myself for a little bit every day.
Here’s why I think a daily formal sitting meditation practice is so good for me.
1. I get easily lost.
Who am I? Where am I? What am I doing here? Is this where I’m supposed to be? Did I miss my connection? Am I doing this right?
These are the kinds of questions that wake me up in the night.
2. I also make shit up. Constantly.
A car cuts in front of me: “I know who you are, Jackwagon!” I yell.
I spin fantasy scenarios where everyone conforms to my way of seeing things, and when they don’t, I have to decide what I’m gonna do about it, when, and how.
My life becomes a Netflix docudrama mini-series.
Without that daily reality meditation mind-check, crabbiness often ensues. I become tetchy, I drink more than I should.
I procrastinate. I scroll Instagram for hours. I hate-watch nonsense TV.
My whole life becomes bleh.
Self-loathing rears its ugly head.
But I feel clear, happy, and centered if I use my Waking Up app every day. I find true north —at least for a few minutes.
I don’t feel lost anymore. And if I still make shit up, I’m at least aware I’m doing it.
The dogs and I finally got to the river. I tried to get them to sit and stay so I could release them from their leads. I just needed both dogs to settle, but they weren’t listening.
Finally, I got them loose.
Stella took a nice long swim.
Rookie was not interested in swimming, so I started walking along the river’s edge. Stella followed me, and I thought Rookie was behind her, but then I heard Rookie barking up on the trail.
Fuck.
I found her with a cyclist, who turned out to be Ruth, who had stopped, remembered her name, and was trying to settle her down.
By the time I got both dogs back to our car, I felt the whole walk had been ruined. Stupid dogs. Why don’t they come when I call them?? Why don’t they do as I say? How come they can behave in the kitchen but not outside?
I was pissed at them and gave them both the cold shoulder when we got home.
They, of course, had no idea why I was acting this way.
Their “bad dog” moment had happened so far back in their past it was like it never happened at all.
I was still agitated and mad at them, though.
I was fighting mad at two corgis.
I was giving two corgis the cold shoulder to force them think about what they had done and feel bad and so very sorry.
So as you can see, I need to meditate every single day.
Happy Solstice, everyone!
And I would really like to know:: Do you have a summer project? What is it? It doesn’t have to have any self-dev elements. Are you painting your house, cleaning your garage, building a gazebo?
What has been your most memorable summer project in recent history?
Let me know! Summer projects are so satisfying, don’t you think?
Inspiration Location 