Self-Discipline vs. Consistency: Finding Your Best Approach

Here’s what I do when I see self-discipline advice or memes on social media these days: 

 Color me skeptical. 

I used to believe that Self-discipline was the one thing you absolutely needed to be to get any project over the finish line.

But now I’m not so sure. 

Let me explain. 

The difference between Consistency and Self-Discipline

Consistency and self-discipline are like conjoined twins. But like conjoined twins, they often can be separated, and when they are, each of them is happier.

Let’s call Self-Discipline, Stacie. 

Stacie trains for the marathon. She runs every day, rain or shine, whether she feels like it or not. She’s a true grinder. Her training is almost robotic. She’s systematized and rigid. She rarely gives herself a day off.

Her separated twin, Consistency, we’ll call Connie. 

Connie is working on a quilt. Every chance she gets, she’s in her sewing room, working on her design, arranging her pieces, putting them together in patterns. 

She’s not in there every day, but she gets there most days, if only to stand and admire her progress. Her sewing room is her happy place.

Stacie and Connie, Self-discipline and Consistency, differ in their attitude and mindset toward their project. 

Stacie (Self-Discipline) is happiest in the middle of the grind. It’s not that she likes the training, but she values it and feels good, even virtuous when she completes her day’s workout. If she has to skip a day, she is anxious and unhappy.

Connie (Consistency) runs to her sewing room with joyful anticipation. She wants to have ample time to get into the flow of it. She thrills at each increment of progress toward completion. She loves the process as much as the result. It’s not important to Connie that she gets to her sewing room every day; she only needs to see herself making steady progress toward the completed quilt.

Self-discipline is about overcoming resistance:  fear, shame, turpitude, laziness. Self-discipline is dragon-slaying energy, a fight to the death.

Consistency is enduring loyalty to the cause, the project, or the goal.

They are dear friends, but they have different approaches to, and ways of thinking about, goals and progress.

I have seen too many Self-disciplined grinders wear out and give up on their projects over time. I used to think self-discipline was a muscle you could build, like a body builder builds biceps. I used to think  I could become self-disciplined with enough dedicated practice and increasingly harder challenges.

But more and more, I think consistency is what I need and want the most. I want the path to my goal to feel sustainable and life-enhancing, and free of guilt and grind.

The Dragon energy of self-discipline is great and necessary in short spurts, but consistency will get me there happier and less broken. 

I need both Stacie and Connie in my life, but Connie is my bestie.