You know, the one who grounds you, listens to you, and calms you in the middle of the shitstorm.
The one who lightens your load, tells you you’re okay when you’re depressed, or broken-hearted, or angry, or just plain tired.
The one who talks you out of it when you’re DONE and ready to quit.
The one who pulls you back when you’re on the verge of doing something you’ll regret. The one who talks you off the ledge.
Who’s your designated sane person at work?
At Thanksgiving dinner?
On the family vacation?
Who can you talk it out with for hours, until you finally hear yourself talking sense again?
Who makes you laugh at yourself?
Who befriends you until you can befriend yourself again?
Who has your back?
Who can you trust?
That’s your designated sane person.
And you can have multiple ones depending on the context.
For example, your designated sane person at work is that person who holds the whole operation together, who can keep their head while everybody else is losing their shit.
At home, you and your partner can split sane person duties depending on who is going through the wringer at the moment.
For example, I am the designated sane person during G’s softball season, and she’s my designated sane person whenever we travel and encounter snafus that require interfacing with difficult people.
At family gatherings, your sister might be your designated sane person because she can keep the peace.
And what about you? Are you anyone’s designated sane person?
If you are, how do you manage to do that? What exactly do you do?
How are you able to stay present and supportive without getting drawn into the fray?
I Am Somebody’s Designated Sane Person
I serve as the Designated Sane Person for a few people in my life, and it gives me the warm-fuzzies to know this.
It’s an honor, really, and I love it that I’ve become their sane harbor in the storm.
Here’s how I’ve grown into this role over time.
How to Become a Designated Sane Person (DSP)
Do Yoga
You knew I was going to say that, right? But it’s true! Not the Downdog yoga, the time yoga. That hour of time a yoga class gives you to sigh it out, stretch it out, sweat it out. All those intentional exhales and inhales force you to put all your nonsense down for a minute and pay attention to your actual life.
Doing yoga is dropping the baggage.
Doing yoga is taking out the garbage.
And when I put down my bags, I free up a hand to help you.
Imagine two people walking upstairs, each carrying six bags of groceries, three in each hand.
Now, imagine one person has no groceries. That person has two hands free to take some bags from the person carrying six.
That’s why it’s important to do yoga. It gives you an opportunity to put down your bags and free up your resources to help your partner, your daughter, or your friend when they need you.
Guard Your Physical Health
If I’m sick, I can’t help you, so I need to exercise, eat well, and sleep. I prioritize these things. I also monitor them on my Oura ring. Every morning, I get a Readiness Score and a Sleep Score. I care about these metrics and work to improve them. If I feel good, I can make you some chicken soup when you don’t.
Reflect On Your Life
I do this in writing. Every morning, with my coffee, I scribble three pages of random bullshit: lists, complaints, boring recountings of the day before, —total garbage. I put it all down. Now my mind has more free space to help you with your garbage.
Practice Non-Violent Communication (NVC)
I don’t always remember this, but I need to. NVC is all about Feelings and Needs.
“I feel ____because my need for ___ wasn’t met.”
Example: “I feel lonely because my need for close connection with you wasn’t met.”
When I remember to use these conversational skills, they keep all my relationships healthy, and when my relationships are healthy, I’m happy. And sane.
Work On Something
Start a project or get a hobby. Read, make stuff, get curious about something, and pursue it with irrational zeal. People will think you’re nuts, but it will hone your focus and keep you learning and growing. And when you’re learning and growing, you’ll feel happy. And sane.
So that’s all I wanted to say about being a Designated Sane Person. I bless all the people in my life who have ever functioned in that capacity for me, and will try my darndest to keep being that person for anyone in my life who needs the occasional rescue.
Namaste!
Inspiration Location 