I am sitting here on the couch with the headphones on because the basketball game is on and I can’t really write with that blithering in my head.
I am in my 2nd day of no coffee and I think my eyes are getting worse, not better. I know 2 days isn’t much, but I wanted to see at least a little improvement. (I am so dull without the charge of coffee. It makes me sad.)
So far I have been able to keep pretty optimistic with this endless winter, but today I couldn’t pull it off. It was cold and dreary when I got up, and as the morning progressed, the day got darker rather than lighter, and as I was getting ready to go to the gym, I heard thunder. And then it started to rain. Hard.
I can see the window reflected in the bathroom mirror. I could see the gloom and the rain, and then I refocused on my face, and my red puffy right eyelid, and the beginning of the same situation on my left eyelid.
(2 days without coffee, alcohol and sugar. Things should be better.)
The end of March.
(Things should be better than this).
I wanted nothing more than to sit in my pajamas and read and sleep all day. But I got myself to the gym, and did what I was told, and left the gym and went home and washed my hands and had some food, and got to my 1 o’clock appointment.
(All this is very dull.)
And then I went to yoga, and class was good, but all I could think of was going home, getting into my pajamas and sitting here even though I had no idea what the theme of the day should be.
I hate to complain. I hate to hear people complaining. Yet all I want to do is give in to my sadness about the weather and complain.
I have been trying so hard all winter to go with the flow, to control the controllables and accept what is out of my control. But today I just couldn’t. I actively hated the weather.
I miss sun so much. And warmth.
(My client walked in all sun tanned from a month in Florida.)
All I need is sun. To lay in. To bask in. And then I will be fine.
All I need is sun to be happy. It is not going to happen in the foreseeable future, though.
This is why when it gets to be fall, and everyone is all rhapsodic about the leaves and how beautiful they are, all I can think about is that this day is coming, this day of unendurable cold and wet and miserable after a winter of stabbing cold.
But we do endure, don’t we?
I hope you are in a place of sun and color. I hope I will soon be in that place, too.