Airline Boarding Gates: Where Manners Go To Die

There was a father and daughter yelling at each other at my gate in Detroit. They were screaming, yelling, and airing deeply personal family grievances in front of six rows of weary passengers waiting to board a flight to Portland.

It made me feel anxious because I had no idea if this was going to escalate into something really ugly or eventually quiet down.

In 2022, physical violence was the fourth most common reason for unruly passenger incidents, accounting for 10% of all incidents.

Their high-volume argument also made me feel irritated because they were oblivious to the rest of us —some fifty travel-weary people now stuck having to watch and listen to their preposterously stupid psychodrama. 

I wanted to say to them, “C’mon people, this is a fight for the kitchen table, not Gate A35 in the Detroit airport.” 

 I openly glared at the screaming father. 

I affected my most stern, finger-wagging mama glare to let him know this Would. Not Do. And also to let him know he was making a spectacular ass of himself and to Cut. It. Out.

But I could also tell this was a zero-sum blood sport for them, and it would continue until there was a winner.

But I think what I resented the most was they argued as if they were sealed in their own private, sound-proofed hate-bubble, and that the rest of us weren’t even there. 

This is such a common occurrence now—people blabbering loudly in public on their phones that I don’t even know why I am writing about it.  

Who doesn’t hate this practice, and who doesn’t complain about this social rudeness, yet when it’s your argument or your loud business call, it’s suddenly okay?

Am I getting this right?

The father was the most obnoxious, but his daughter matched him grievance for grievance. Neither’s rantings even slightly phased the other. 

But what amazed me the most was that none of the other fifty passengers at the gate acknowledged this verbal knock-down drag-out was even happening. 

Nobody even looked up— and this duo was loud. I wanted to commiserate by giving someone a wide eyeball or an arched eyebrow. I wanted someone to lock eyes with me and just acknowledge that this was happening and that it was not good.  

But nope. The readers kept reading, the phone-obsessed kept scrolling, and the nappers drooled through the whole thing.

So I, too, pretended this wasn’t weird at all and went back to half-reading my book.

 I don’t fly much, but I’ve seen the coverage of whackos who disrupt flights and have to be zip-tied to their seats while the flight is diverted. 

I now make it my habit to scan the people at my gate, looking for potential psychopaths.

Thankfully, this father/daughter argument was over by the time we boarded, and the flight was smooth and uneventful. 

But days later, I am still thinking about it. I wonder what would have happened if some brave person had piped up and said, “Hey pal, could you lower the volume a bit?” 

But people are terrified of confrontation. I am terrified of confrontation.

But until we start calling out rude social behavior, it will not only not stop, it will escalate. 

This country mouse is happy to be back home in a place where I don’t have to encounter this stuff regularly.

Are you self-conscious of your public persona? Do you expect a higher level of consideration, the denser the population becomes? Do you play your music on the beach, for example, without considering whether the people around you like that music or even want to listen to music at all and would rather be soothed by the sounds of crashing surf? 

Summer is the time to become more aware of the sounds you make outside. Let’s be more considerate. We’re all in this together.