Losing It, And Getting It Back

Yesterday morning, in prep for my ‘Krashtanga” class I did the Primary Series.  Halfway through the standing sequence I realized that I had lost it.  I had lost my practice.

After so many months practicing Ashtanga with Christine 4 mornings a week, this past May I was finally able to grab my toe in Ardha Baddha Padmotanasana, rest my chin on my knee in Marichyasana A, and even sustain a straight legged Padahastasana.

But now, after only 2 measly months of no Ashtanga, I couldn’t do any of it. Or barely.

And I wanted to cry.  I felt like I had let myself down.

I dragged myself home, sat in the hot tub and made a little vow that I would get it back.  I would devote some time every day to the Primary Series until I could do the whole thing, if not perfectly, at least respectably.

When I went to class last night I told my class about my lost practice.  I told them how hard this practice was, but that with time and attention and discipline, it could be done..

Then we began.  It was hot and I was relentless.  We did vinyasas between each side of every pose.  Everyone was sweating, but hanging with it. At some point in the practice everyone of us fell over, including me, but I could sense a teeth-gritting persistence in that (very warm) room.

When we got to the last pose,Tolasana, we did Kapalabhati until our arms and our lungs gave out, then we all sank into a deep, heart-thumping savasana.

After class, a few people wanted to know if we could do this more often, maybe get together and work towards greater proficiency.  They loved it, they said.

So that’s what we’re going to do.  We’re going to work towards mastery in something that’s really, really hard.

Because what else is there to do?