100 Recipes #3 Fail

I tried a new recipe yesterday, something I taste-tested on Saturday at Wegman’s at one of those stations where they give out samples.  It was a warm pasta salad with butternut squash, escarole, whole wheat fusili and lots of other yummy ingredients.  Perfect!

I took the recipe card and bought all the ingredients.  The card said it took 35 minutes to prepare.  An hour and a half later and a sink full of dishes I was still at it.  It turned out just as good as I remembered it in the store, but labor intensive?  Good god.

Too many steps, too many dishes.  If I’m going to commit that much time, I want to have a full Thanksgiving dinner at the end of it, not a pasta salad. You know what I mean?

So if you really want the recipe for it, email me and I’ll send it to you.  Instead, I am going to give you the recipe for a vacation I wrote today at Emma’s.  It’s raw.  It’s unedited, but that’s how we roll at Emma’s.  This one I would make at the drop of a hat, any day of the week.  I could eat this every day and never tire of it.

Recipe for a Vacation

  1. Chop into small pieces: anxiety, pressure, stress, frustration, irritation and anger.  Place into a blender and blend on HIGH until smooth.  Pour immediately down the nearest drain.  Flush with hot water.  Sigh deeply.
  2. Flatten 1 long stretch of white pristine beach.  Dot liberally with terns, plovers, and conch shells.  Carefully remove loud people and whiney children.
  3. At the edge of the beach add 40 trillion gallons of blue sea.  Ladle in dolphins, whales and porpoises.  Stir lightly.
  4. In a separate bowl combine: 2 weeks of time, 3 gallons of wine, 1 bottle of champagne, 10 limes, 8 large books and 1 pound of the best coffee you can afford.  Let sit.
  5. Cream together: 1 pair of flip flops, 2 pairs of shorts, 1 beach towel, 1 bathing suit and 1 sun hat.
  6. Fold the contents of the bowl into this mixture.
  7. Turn out onto the beach.  Smooth lightly.  Garnish with abundant sunshine, seagulls, white puffy clouds and a gentle breeze.
  8. Bake at 85 degrees for 2 weeks.
  9. Serve immediately.
  10. Enjoy!

2 thoughts on “100 Recipes #3 Fail

  1. What a fun writing prompt! That sounds better than the Wegman’s recipe.

    P.S. Talk to me about getting to your 100 food recipe goal. I have some winners.

    Like

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