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Not Being Able to Meditate Blows

Ilustración para un divertidísimo cuento de La...

Just peeking my head up out of my hole to say, “Hi” to all 5 of you who check in regularly here and to say that things are going well in the world of book-writing, or compiling, or whatever-the-hell it is I am doing.

Yesterday I actually starting printing out pieces, and when you print something, like on paper, then it’s really REAL.

Maybe.

I don’t know.  Don’t ask me, I’m in a weird place.

Just this morning I wrote this whole riff on 750 words about meditation, except that I don’t like to call it “meditation” because that’s too holy, and what I do when I “meditate” isn’t holy at all.  Maybe it’s a “holy mess,” but there are no candles or statues involved, that’s for sure.  It’s more like being forced to watch a really bad movie; one you’ve seen over and over and it never gets any better, and the main character never learns, and it’s not even funny anymore. It’s just boring and crappy and inane.

And you know what the most hellacious thing about this “watching the Movie of Me” is?  It’s the only sure-fire way to self-knowledge.

And I can’t do it.  Not consistently, and not even for long streaks.

And that blows.

Author:

I’m a small town yoga teacher who says motherfucker a lot. I hate anything woo. I’m into neuroscience. And facts. I’ll lead the chanting of “om” sometimes, but it makes me feel awkward. I want to access flow states. As far as yoga helps me do that, I’m into it. Dopamine is my fave neurotransmitter. Don’t tell anyone I told you this.

3 thoughts on “Not Being Able to Meditate Blows

  1. You CAN Do It! Kath, I’m just starting with all this, so I’m the grasshopper here, but I think it just takes a long time and perhaps the most difficult lesson is just being patient, forgiving, gentle, and compassionate with ourselves. It’s much easier to be compassionate and forgiving with others for me. I’m my worst enemy. Is that what you’re experiencing too? I believe in you wholeheartedly. I’ve found Noah Levine’s books helpful. He’s been through so much crap and created so much negative super-crap but, he’s found a way to break through all that work with forgiveness for hisself and from others. If he can learn to be with himself, we can too! He is amazingly inspirational for me.

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  2. Hey Kath – I’ve been meaning to say I LOVE the photo of your little doggy gazing over snowy Mansfield … sweet sweet.

    Did you see “The King’s Speech” yet? Two doggies like yours had minor roles! … See, yet another indication that you are a Queen!

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  3. Ugh, I empathize. I’m right there with you most days, if that helps at all. Also, if it helps at all, I finally decided to start a meditation sangha, because I realized I actually need to belong to a community of people crazy enough to subject themselves to…themselves…on a daily basis. And I need to talk to those people on (at least) a weekly basis to keep plodding down the meditative path. I suggest beginning your meditation time with an inspiring talk or podcast or teaching on meditation. For me, it makes a huge difference to practice “with” somebody who’s reaping benefits (and still encountering challenges) after years and years.

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