Blog as Fun House Mirror

So here was an interesting conversation I had with my stylist the other day. I sit down and she says, “So how is everything in Mansfield?” And it just came out of my mouth, “How the hell should I know? I don’t live in “Mansfield,” I live in my own little Kath bubble. ( I always tell my students to “Go into your yoga bubble. Practice in there. Don’t pay attention to other people.”)

So that’s what I do: I just stay in my Kath Bubble. I don’t live in Mansfield. I am quite detached from what most people in Mansfield do. I read the local paper just to try to understand what might be going on outside the bubble, and what I may need to steer clear of, which is practically everything.

I certainly don’t live in the Wikipedia or the Chamber of Commerce Mansfield. Oh god no. That would be depressing. If I was going to move here, and I saw that profile of Mansfield, I would be ODing on Xanax.

I walk my dog around the university grounds every day. I rent yoga space in Mansfield. I have a few bank accounts in local banks, so I hit up the ATM every once in a while. I also go to a gym and workout with a trainer in Mansfield twice a week. I have a PO box.  But for all that, I don’t think of myself as “living in Mansfield.” Isn’t that crazy? I live in my Kath Bubble that just so happens to be parked in Mansfield at the moment.

Many years ago Ira and I left Mansfield and spent 2 years in Storrs, CT attending Grad school at UConn. Ironically, we lived very close to Mansfield, CT that last year in Connecticut.

When we came back here, we were living in a rental not too far from Mansfield. Within a few days, a Jehovah’s Witness sniffed us out and knocked on the door. I just stood there and wept as she went though her spiel, then closed the door and vowed to make a new start.

I started running. I practiced yoga with beach towel and a book. I taught high school English. I opened Main Street Yoga.

I do like the people I come in contact with every day, though. Yoga students are an interesting subset of the population anywhere, but especially here where I am the only studio in town.

But I am bored here, mostly. Although  I manage to  keep the boredom at bay by staying in my Kath Bubble and tending my projects.

Including:

A book I am trying to finish. 

This detox.

A meditation streak and

This blogging streak.

Recently I have also completed projects which have allowed me to call myself a certified Health Coach, and I have won NaNoWriMo.

I try to make art out of my life through this blog.

The blog is like a fun house mirror or a garbled phone message. I take a piece of my life, a piece of experience, a little thought, and manipulate them until they distort and what comes out sounds a lot more interesting than the original experience.

I want to write my way to my purpose.

And I can only do that by posting every day. I need to keep at it and chip away and then I can look back and see what the hell this life was all about.

“How do I know what I think, until I read what I write?” I think it was Virginia Woolf who said that.

That’s what I want to do: write to clarity.

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