I was going to do something for Lent, but never got around to deciding what.
I don’t want to “give up” anything; I want to add something.
I want a new challenge, a new activity, a new project.
I did the digital declutter in January and started a book club in February, now I really need something for March.
I could (re)commit to Edna’s O (my new reference book about endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine, anandamide, serotonin and oxytocin) and say: FIRST DRAFT: By Easter I’ll have a first draft.
I could do that, but it doesn’t meet one of my Project-Driven Life criteria for a new project. It doesn’t check the “excitement” box. And it really needs to. Or else I’m not going to be happy.
At the same time, I also realize that happiness isn’t a requirement for a worthwhile and enriching project.
I realize too that happiness requires struggle. (I wholly subscribe to that Stoic tenant. I do.)
But, I also need stim every day, even painful stim, if necessary. I want to feel as amped doing my work, as I will for having done it.
And truthfully? This research really does excite me —once I’m in hip deep. So why all this sissy toe-dangling at the beginning? All this reluctance to get wet?
Once I’m in I know I’ll be fine, happy as a clam in fact. But it’s the anticipation of that head-hitting-the-water dive into the deep end every day that stops me, that fuels my procrastination. That’s the real struggle, not the actual work.
So I resist. But not for the next 6 weeks. No! For the next 6 weeks I’m going to slay the resistance monster, make it numero uno on my To-Do List every day.
Might also be a good time to re-read The War of Art, and find an accountability partner.