Talk In Ink

Today I planted marigolds. In pots. I then arranged them around the patio, here and there. Sprinkle, sprinkle. Little dots and pots of yellow. Very nice.

I thought: “When these marigolds are all bushy and beautiful, my book will be done.” This thought made me happy. Like when I was pregnant I would think: When the lilacs bloom, I will have a baby.

I talk to myself all day long. It’s a problem. It creates a lot of static in my brain. I don’t like it. It’s just buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz blather blather blah blah blah…endlessly. Nothing productive ever comes of this. Ever. It’s just unproductive noise. I never get “ideas” by just ruminating.

I resisted writing this morning. So I sat and meditated for awhile. That always helps. I focused on my tinnitus.

I brought my tinnitus up with Jennifer today during our FaceTime meeting and she advised when I hear the tinnitus I should ask: “What do I need to know now?”

(Oh boy. The answer to that could be interesting.)

Then I picked up the trusty purple fountain pen and started talking to myself about my writing problems on the page. Instead of worrying about it in that vague angst-y, buzzy, blathery way that makes me crazy, I transcribed every nuance of the problem in an hour-long word-vomit that covered 10 pages. I asked myself all the thorny questions and tried to answer them.  At the end? Clarity. Space. A Plan.

I am putting this into my toolbox of “Useful Strategies.” Instead of “thinking,” just write. Transcribe the buzz and blither instead of just talking to yourself in your head, Kath. Talk to yourself on the page. Talk in ink.