The Colonoscopy Song

I took a friend to get a colonoscopy today and made several observations:

#1. The “knock-out” drug for this “same day surgery” procedure appears to be pretty darned awesome. My friend woke up singing the theme song to You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown which forever more will be known to me as “The Colonoscopy Song.”

You can listen to it here, but trust me, my friend sang it much sweeter curled up in her little hospital gown with a big smile on her face.

#2. Bartenders, school teachers, yoga teachers and nurses have one thing in common: they all repeat the same tired jokes all day.  Today I heard the nurse say “vertical smile” to describe one’s ass-crack to at least 3 different patients. She also, in telling a patient their test came out “normal” said, “And you thought “normal” was just a cycle on your washer, didn’t you?”  Haha.

We all do this, and as I sat there listening to this joke over and over, I thought maybe it would just be better to say nothing, or say something genuine, rather than go around mouthing this stupid shit all day, thinking it’s clever.  Or funny.

It’s not.  So we should all stop doing this and just shut up.

#3. The final observation is that health care professionals are some of the least heathy-looking people around.  I wonder if it bothers them to be dispensing health advice all day to people when they themselves CLEARLY do not follow this advice? These nurses were all over-weight and unhealthy looking.

Time to be walkin’ the talk, I think.

Otherwise, the day was pretty good.  My friend’s colonoscopy came as as normal as the cycle on a washing machine, and tonight she is probably cuddled up in her own bed with a full tummy singing Happiness is…