It has now been almost two weeks since I returned from the Hatha Yoga Pradipika training I took with Yoganand at Jai Yoga in Philadelphia. After that training I started changing a lot of things in my life, namely: my practice, my food, and the intensity of my cardio workouts.
In the space of two whole weeks I really expected to see some dramatic physical changes in my body–in its strength, its endurance, and in its ability to withstand the intensity of this practice. But I have not. (Well, maybe a little, but I really expected so much more.)
It is at this stage, when there is no visible progress, that things really get interesting. The sparkle and glow of the training is gone now. The dreary daily-ness of everything has set in. There isn’t any visible evidence of the fruits of my dedication.
So, do I quit or persist? Do I trust that, in time, all will work out the way I want it to? Expect it to?
My dedication is being, if not questioned, at least becoming a source of frustration and irritation, as in: “I wonder when all this work will SHOW!”
On the one hand, it’s only been two weeks! On the other hand: It’s been TWO EFFING WEEKS already!
I know that every new path is hard at the start. I know that it is the slow, persistent, practice OVER TIME that marks the heart of a warrior.
What I don’t know is if I have the heart of the warrior. (I’d like to think so).
What I do know is that I Iwill have to relax and learn to take it day to day. (I really do know this. I’m a veteran streaker.)
And this is definitely a streak in its infancy. It needs to be tended and protected against the negativity of WANTING EVERYTHING RIGHT AWAY, goddammit!
And I will do that. I will.